I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
