I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
