Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
