I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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