hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
