what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
