i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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