Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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