You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
