I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
