i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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