Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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