Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
