My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
