please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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