Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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