On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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