i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The Olympian is in my bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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