based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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