Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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