I don't think brook has ever known best
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
