I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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