K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
