While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
