If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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