Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
