oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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