i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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