her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
