Someone shit on the floor
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
