apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
