He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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