K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm both gender and math confused
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
