Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's like iHOP with fire
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
