Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
