i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
