The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
