toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
