You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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