New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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