I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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