I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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