We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
