True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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