Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
