I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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