Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
