booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were trust falling into bushes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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