I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
