Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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