I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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