I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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