Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish you could order shots online.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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