my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
