Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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